A Simple Formula

Let me explain the background on how we sell to the existential market, and the ludicrous wordplay required.

The highest suspicion we can all harbour is that of eventual death, but none can prove it, or none have managed to do so yet, in whatever hindsight that is allowed. However, as professional quack, I never ducked the issue when facing those dying. I have been both a spiritual and medical charlatan, but I had an instinct stemming from such loose thinking to outweigh my own fallibilities.

I just told them to maintain a lateral certainty against any contrary evidence that had been provided to test and thus strengthen their faith in both body and soul. And this formula worked better than any proof. A better method even than Pascal’s Wager (i.e. the safeguard in believing in God just in case He exists), although such a wager will always be useful as a supplement to the formula.  

A body’s own fallibility to grow old along with its brain is best believed to the last moment of consciousness, but one never knows when that moment comes however much the mind becomes garbled or prone to a brink-of-death’s misguiding. This process of paradox can be maintained longer than a mere faith in God, a faith all too easily shaken to the very core. 

The perceived ultimate truth also derives from further supplements of absurdism and self-fiction, especially when the mind wanders into previous blocked-off areas that ever-impending death makes available for anybody to enter, a truth that  becomes half of a whole, and that whole a half of another whole, and so on, ad infinitum. You can then proceed to quote a cost for converting these broad ingredients into a tailor-made spreadsheet. Would you like to buy from me a franchise in this formula, so you can also become a death-defeating charlatan and quack like me, with your very own gullible clients, an invaluable pricelessness crucial to a never-ending life for you as well as for the client? A gullibility thus transcended. Any crass wordplay needed is contained in a separate folder, within the inclusive price quoted. But don’t forget — keep it simple. Get immortality done.